What happens after I give birth?

Here’s a list of 9 things they don’t tell you.

There is no doubt that your new bundle of joy will be your top priority. You may already be imagining how quiet or loud your baby will be, how long it will take to calm him down when he cries, how uncomfortable your baby may be in his new cot, or how often you will need to change your baby’s diaper each day, or even each hour!

If these are the things you’ve been thinking about for months, you probably haven’t given much thought about yourself, and everything you’ll be facing after childbirth. Worry not, I will paint you a pretty picture. Here are 9 things no one tells you about after giving birth.

Your hair will fall out. If you’re excited about your luscious, Rapunzel-esque locks during your pregnancy, it may not last. Sorry, but this is just another hormonal side-effect.

You might find out that you’re a crier. For some women, there may not be a hormonal roller coaster they have to ride after childbirth. But, some of us aren’t that lucky. You may find yourself as the happiest person in the world in one moment, and then crying the Niagra Falls in the next. It’s a trickier situation to be in if you don’t recognise how bad it was until you’re done.

You might be hot. The kind of hot that is gross and sweaty. But, that’s okay. Nothing is sexier than a new mother who walks around looking like she just ran after a bus.

You might still be… “curvy." Stay away from magazines with pictures of supermodels who just gave birth. They are extremely unrealistic. Your body will be different after your tummy tuck. You will feel the need to hand off your baby to a nanny and hire a 24-hour-a-day personal trainer. So, have your credit card ready to be swiped for all those new clothes.

Breastfeeding could be difficult. If you have an easy time breastfeeding, please don’t brag. Many women don’t have a smooth ride and will have their baby’s lunch prepared on the kitchen counter.

Hard Boobs? Skipping just one feeding session won’t do you any favours.

Your period will be really heavy. Whether you have a c-section or natural birth, postpartum bleeding is common. This discharge, known as lochia, can last for two weeks or six weeks after childbirth. Be ready with your giant mama-pads!

You’ll be a mess down there. The stitched-up mess can be relieved with a variety of remedies, which you can find on thousands of YouTube videos and websites across the internet. The best advice I can give you; Don’t look. It may be worse than you thought it would be.

Last on this list; you might hate your husband. You might not. Again, it’s hormone related. No one would blame you if you were watching him sleep at 2am, and all you’re thinking is “UGH.” That said, just take deep breaths, and remember that he’s worth keeping around.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this list. Good luck, and blame it on the postpartum hormones.

Written by Nadia